Cheating assholes. Every girl has at least one. I have a whole stable full.
For those of you that don’t know (aka- those of you that don’t know me personally), I had a peach of a guy live with, and mooch off of, me for a year. And then, out of the blue, I woke up to him packing what he could into a friend’s car trying to leave before I woke up. He said that he was too stressed. That he had nearly had a heart attack a few weeks ago because of how much stress I cause him. Of course, I knew this was bullshit.
Mind you, it wasn’t a perfect relationship. We had a couple of fantastic months, and then our sex life dried up completely. After a night which we had sex and he said “God, you’re just nasty.” I didn’t understand what he meant until I remembered that he said it not that long ago. He was a nice enough guy. Dealt with my problems well, took good care of me outside of the bedroom, so I just figured he had low testosterone or something.
I had a few drastic upsets about it. He never gave me a straight answer other than that he just hadn’t been in the mood. This went on for 10 months. Over time, my ego dissolved. My self esteem crashed. I started hating myself. Masturbating made me cry. Looking at myself in the mirror made me cry. I gained 30 lbs. I wouldn’t get out of bed or off the couch.
And on top of all that, he wrote the book on how not to break up with someone who is bipolar. Plan it secretly, drop it on me unexpectedly, and tell me it’s my fault.
And today. I found evidence that he had been cheating on me for at least the last couple of months we were together.
So many people over the years have cheated on me.
One of them cheated on me for 6 months while I took care of his kids, did all the housework, and made sure his life was stress free when he got home from school. He broke up with me over the phone, told me I had a week to get out of his house after living there over 2 years. And then married the bitch 3 months later.
One cheated on me with my best friend while I was sleeping down the hall.
One of them cheated on me with 16 different girls over the course of a year.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
What I want to know is why do men cheat? Is it to feed their egos? The thrill of something new? A lack of self esteem? Whatever the reason, it has destroyed all trust that I have in other people before I even meet them. It has killed my self esteem and sense of self worth because it has happened so many times that I’ve started to wonder what is wrong with me. I would wish that everyone who has ever cheated on someone have the same happen to them, but I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemies. It makes you paranoid, self-destructive, and very very nervous. All of the lies surrounding cheating are insane. Telling the person that you’re with that you love them. Lying about who you are talking to. Lying about where you’ve been. I couldn’t keep up with all of them.
I understand that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m bipolar, overweight, and a bit of a cunt sometimes. But no one, and I mean no one, deserves to be treated the way that I’ve been treated over the years. I just plain don’t understand it.
Now I’m going to go take a xanax and chill out.
Crazy/Crafty 